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Police in New York have adopted a new technology for catching speeders - radar eyes. Citing past problems with external radar and laser devices, Superintendent Harry Corbett of the State Police said that the implantable radar eyes will be far superior.
New York Troopers have a long history of using cutting edge technology for speed enforcement. George Fletcher Chandler was the first Superintendent, and back in 1920 he directed the first use of pedometers for pacing. Troopers would run behind vehicles while pushing (or pulling) a wheel on a pole. A series of cables and pulleys would drive a meter measuring the distance covered, and the Trooper would check his watch to see how far he'd run in 60 seconds. Since vehicles in the 1920s didn't go all that fast, and there were no actual speed limits, it led to relatively few tickets.
After World War II, Superintendent John Gaffney started pushing for the use of radar for monitoring vehicle speeds. While he was unable to implement the idea due to the expense, the Army did loan him the use of airplanes to better enable traffic policing. Gaffney was proud of the low ratio of air deaths to tickets written.
Radar finally became practical in the 1970s, and the New York State Troopers were in the forefront. Then lasers became prominent in the 1990s and LIDAR became another tool in their arsenal.
In 2003, the police started having trouble in the courts with these technologies. Some local judges actually started applying constitutional and evidentiary principles, throwing out radar and laser evidence as unreliable.
Corbett says the radar eyes take technology to a new level. The eyes are self-calibrating, and use an special version of Windows that crashes only a couple times a week. Additionally, new Governor David Paterson signed a new law declaring that the radar eyes are admissible in court, even when they don't work.
Some Troopers have reported side effects from having the radar eyes implanted, such as sleeplessness, the ability to see through clothing, and prolonged erections. A lawyer for the Trooper's PBA was preparing a grievance to stop the eyes, but he mysteriously disappeared.
The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.
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Laser Interceptor Dual, Valentine 1 & The Escort 8500 X50 - Blue, Uniden BC296D, GRE500, Lasershield, 2001 Ford Ranger, Yamaha FZ6, 2005 Black Dodge Neon SRT-4 - A laser beam would be as wide as my car at 1872' - Car being 67.4" wide.
__________________ If I'm passing you on the right, YOU are in the wrong lane!
LEOs don't have quotas. They're called "performance goals".
If speed kills, how come I'm still alive?
Countermeasures: V1 3.858, V1 1.8 3.813 (on permanent loan), X50 rev 5 red, Beltronics RX65 6.3 red, Escort Redline, LI Dual Vehicle: 2002 Audi A4 1.8T Quattro LEO Toys: Kustom Pro Laser II & III
and its not friday the 13th dammit! Its only a monday!
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Laser Interceptor Dual, Valentine 1 & The Escort 8500 X50 - Blue, Uniden BC296D, GRE500, Lasershield, 2001 Ford Ranger, Yamaha FZ6, 2005 Black Dodge Neon SRT-4 - A laser beam would be as wide as my car at 1872' - Car being 67.4" wide.
Corbett says the radar eyes take technology to a new level. The eyes are self-calibrating, and use an special version of Windows that crashes only a couple times a week. Additionally, new Governor David Paterson signed a new law declaring that the radar eyes are admissible in court, even when they don't work.
By the time i got through that paragraph, I was 120% sure it was BS.
Prolonged erections?? I'd call that a "benefit" not a "side effect."
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* No longer a volvo driver! *
2009 Acura TSX (Auto w. Tech Pkg)
New V1 - Mounted with Visor Mount from Roy
GPS Angel V4E
Old V1 1.7 with no Band ID
Whistler DE-1730 ($40 - My First RD)
Bushnell Radar Gun
Radioshack Scanner
MacBook Pro, iMac 24 Inch, iPhone
Where can we buy a pair to test out our detectors is what I want to know.
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Laser Interceptor Dual, Valentine 1 & The Escort 8500 X50 - Blue, Uniden BC296D, GRE500, Lasershield, 2001 Ford Ranger, Yamaha FZ6, 2005 Black Dodge Neon SRT-4 - A laser beam would be as wide as my car at 1872' - Car being 67.4" wide.
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Police Use Radar Eyes For Speeding Tickets 
